I’ve heard it said,
“Lying is simply believing you can escape the consequences of your actions. If you believe that, then there’s no other wrong you won’t do”.
This has changed my parenting strategies immensely. Truthfulness is highly rewarded in our home, now. And let me tell you, it has changed everything! This revelation came to me after 10 years of parenting when I heard a preacher talk about how lying is the gateway to all other sin. This struck me because it’s so hard to find someone that is truly trustworthy and sure enough, those are the people you want to model your life after. I want my kids to grow up to be honest, trustworthy men and women so I started implementing a lot more emphasis on truth and harsher punishments for lies. After a lot of trial and error, one day, the kids were inevitably in trouble for something. I don’t even remember what it was now. But when I asked who had done it, one of my twin girls fessed up right away. No pointing fingers. No shouting. Just, “Yes, ma’am, I did”. It stopped me dead in my tracks. It worked. It really worked. So, how did I get them to tell the truth? These are the steps I’ve tried that work.
7 Steps To Stop The Lying And Encourage Truthfulness
1. Don’t react!
- Often times a child will lie for fear of your reaction to the truth. Keep your voice and mannerisms calm. They are safe with you.
2. Understand the reason.
- This is the most overlooked method when dealing with a child’s behavior. Don’t just see the fault, look for the reason behind it. There are many reasons a child will lie. A few are:
- Innocence– They may be too young to understand the difference between a lie and the truth.
- Escape Responsibilities– They may just want to get out of doing something.
- Peer Image– They are fearful of how they will look to others.
- Spared Feelings– They don’t want to upset you or someone else.
- Fear– They may fear the consequences. Especially if you’re prone to outbursts.
- Instead of just correcting the behavior, focus on solving the problem it is attempting to cover. Look at the situation from your child’s point of view. If you can help the child overcome the reason, then they will truly have learned a lifelong lesson.
3. Don’t try to catch them in a lie.
- “Did you do that!?” If you word it like this they’re more likely to lie. Instead try, “I see you did this” or “That sounds like it may not be the truth“.
4. Teach them that the truth is always better.
- Explain to them how telling a lie hurts the way others see them. They will look untrustworthy and put themselves in a bad light.
- Explain how a lie is always caught and the consequences can be worse than the truth.
5. Acknowledge immediately when the truth is told.
- Take a deep breath and thank them for their honesty. Then you can pull them aside to speak to them about what has happened.
- Tell them you know how much courage it took to tell the truth and you admire that.
6. Don’t skip the punishment. You’re guiding little hearts.
- When they tell the truth they gain our respect. Remember this. It does not remove the consequence of their action but if you stay consistent then they know what comes next and do not fear it. You can, however, lessen the punishment, as I do.
- Letting the child know that the consequences are more severe when they lie will help them remember for future occurrences.
- Use my loving correction method for discipline which I will add in another post soon.
7. Be an example
- Don’t undermine the message by letting them see you being dishonest.
- Even saying something like, “tell them I’m not home”, will set in their minds.
- Children are great analyzers and they will call you out on your lies. Be the person you want them to be and you’ll be a great role model.
I hope this will help you as much as it has helped me. Just remember the atmosphere of your home is what will be guiding your children. It can pull them many ways. Keep a positive atmosphere with a feeling of safety and always remember they are little men and women in training. The world will gain wonderful people if you can teach them the importance of honesty.
“Thank you for being honest. I know how much courage it took to tell the truth and I admire that.”
Amanda ~ This Simple Mama
