As a mom, there have been entire weeks of time where I’ve felt completely helpless; wallowing in my own brokenness. There’s nothing like becoming a parent to teach you how little control you truly have over anything in the world; how often you fail.
In today’s society, perfectionism is almost a requirement. When it comes to being a parent or a Christian, it is even more so. I’m here to tell you today to break free from that prison! Cast it aside and listen up!
Hello, my name is Amanda and I’m a recovering perfectionist.
If you read my bio you’ll see how perfect I used to think I was. I could do anything and nothing could bring me down. It wasn’t until I became a mother that I realized how untrue that was. The sleepless nights, the constant judgement from others, feeling like a failure at every turn, and the tears….oh the tears. I thought I was the worst mother. Preaching to the choir, right? I know we’ve all felt it. Then, becoming a Christian brought all of my past sins into full view, too. EEK! Little miss perfect wasn’t so perfect after all.
Realizing this just made my perfectionism worse. I grasped at perfection in everything….and failed….every time. Years and years of trying to get it right. I’m a Christian now, I’m not supposed to be a mess! Right? And then, this sermon brought me out of my wallowing and helped me embrace my brokenness.
http://www.harvestgranger.org/sermon/the-blessedness-of-brokenness-part-1/
“Brokenness is the shattering of a person’s will so that every response is under the control of the Holy Spirit.”
In the sermon, Pastor Griffith relates brokenness to a horse. This really brought it into perspective for me. An unbroken horse has a mind of its own. Sure, you can climb on its back but its going to do everything in its power to get you off. We can be like that can’t we? Now, a broken horse is in sync with its rider. A tiny nudge and it knows exactly where it needs to go. As are we when we embrace God’s will for us. We are not breaking the horse’s spirit or filling it with despair. Simply becoming a guiding hand in a mutual relationship.
Some may say, that horse is just a slave to its rider. You can look at it that way but the truth is the horse has been given a purpose. Isn’t that something we all strive for? The horse and rider have a relationship where they have a world of new things they can accomplish because they are working together. Pastor Griffith says, “Freedom is not the ability to do what you want to do, it is the ability to do what you ought to do.” Just like the fences we put up to protect our beloved family dog, God puts up boundaries to protect us. Should we jump the fence just because we want to? We may regret it if we do.
Like the centuries-old art of repairing broken pottery with gold, He will make us more beautiful than we once were if we just let Him.
I don’t know about you but when I’m the one attempting to control the outcome of a certain situation, I can really make a mess of things. Should I be in control of my purpose in the world? Probably not.
My purpose is not to be a people-pleaser. It’s not to be the perfect mom or the perfect housewife. It’s not to be perfect at all! No, my purpose will be shown to me when I choose to embrace my brokenness, acknowledge my failures, learn from my mistakes, forgive myself for making them in the first place, clench that freedom brokenness gives, and be molded by Him. This is a daily process. We don’t need perfectly behaved kids, a perfectly clean house, or even perfect prayers to be loved and molded by Him. He wants all we have. Every…broken…piece.